Raising Resilient Children

Why are our young people struggling with their mental health?

Our society and culture are changing at an ever-increasing rate, leading to issues affecting  today’s children in a way which was not experienced by their parents:

• We are very comfortable: Most of us have control of our immediate environment ensuring that we are rarely hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, in pain or without stimulation. This means that our children are not used to coping with discomfort or boredom, taking it for granted that these basic needs will be anticipated and met and requiring more from life to feel satisfied.
• We live in an uncertain world: At the same time, we feel as if we have less control over the wider world which is filled with uncertainty, misinformation, conflict and escalating problems. These issues anger and worry adults and children are affected by the emotions of the people close to them.
• We prioritise safety and protection: We have become hyper-aware of the possibility of harm and danger all around us and so we monitor and supervise our children’s lives closely to avoid any risks of them being hurt. In order to protect their children from pain, some parents try to take care of every problem their child encounters.
• We have fewer real-life connections: We also tend to live further away from our families and are less connected with our neighbours and communities so children have got used to being in the house and with their parents most of the time, particularly since the pandemic.

We spend more time on screens and social media: If not channelled correctly, technology can have a negative impact on the lives of children in a number of ways;

• from raising unrealistic expectations and isolating them from real life relationships to enabling harassment and connecting them to negative influences.
• We strive to succeed: we expect a lot of ourselves and our children can also feel the pressure to excel academically, socially and at their hobbies which can lead to stress and anxiety.

The effect of these factors is that children’s lives have become increasingly constrained as they are under almost constant surveillance with regular adult intervention and pressure to conform to adult expectations whilst spending less time playing freely outside with their friends.

This drastically reduces our children’s opportunities to build their own resourcefulness and work out how to best get along with others but it is only by doing this that they can build the resilience to cope with life’s challenges.

How can we make a difference?

Childhood experiences set the foundations for our lives so we must remain mindful of the influence that we can have on the mental health of the children in our care.

Bonding with young children so that they feel loved and safe is the cornerstone for all development and learning and from this we can all work to promote mental resilience in children from their earliest years.

It starts with maintaining a daily routine to ensure good self-care which involves:

• Eating a varied and balanced diet
• Getting a good night’s sleep
• Physical exercise and activity

Establishing healthy habits as well as clear boundaries about what is right and wrong, we create a backdrop of structure and consistency which helps children to feel safe and reassured.

Within this we should give children plenty of opportunities to:

• Engage in free, unstructured play: To develop their creativity, imagination and problem-solving skills. The best play often happens after children have complained of being bored and when they accept that adults are not going to provide the entertainment so they take responsibility for amusing themselves.
• Enjoy face-to-face interactions with other children: To enable them to build and navigate different types of relationships with others.

Experience struggle and failure: In this way children realise that making mistakes is normal and they can cope with adversity.  By trying different strategies and

• eventually succeeding, they will gain immense satisfaction and confidence in their abilities.
• Get outside: Spending time in the natural world is proven to have a calming effect on us as we benefit from fresh air, natural light and interacting with nature. For children in particular, it promotes physical activity, adventure and freedom from the restraints of being indoors.
• Try something new: This demonstrates that the world is full of exciting possibilities and builds confidence to explore and experiment.
• Listen to stories: Stories can be very meaningful to children as they illustrate how people can suffer but ultimately good triumphs over evil which is reassuring, especially in times of trouble.

We can encourage children to:

• Talk to us: Putting their feelings into words helps children to understand and regulate themselves more effectively.   It also helps us to support and encourage them and to celebrate their achievements.
• Be optimistic: By focusing on the positive possibilities and outcomes rather than dwelling on the negative, we can help children to be brave and face challenges.
• Be considerate of others: Prompting children to think about other people’s situations and feelings encourages empathy which leads to a healthy realisation that everyone has a different perspective and the world does not revolve around them. Taking action to help or be kind builds self-esteem and appreciation of gratitude.
• Keep moving forwards: Children look to you for clues on how they should react. If, for example, a child has a minor tumble and you react dramatically then they are far more likely to become inconsolable and take time to recover than if you treat it as a minor inconvenience and expect them to jump up and carry on.  This does not mean that you don’t acknowledge or discuss an upset but by setting the expectation that it doesn’t stop you from moving forwards in some way, you can prevent it from becoming more debilitating than it needs to be.
• Approach life with gentle humour: Helping your child to find the humour in a difficult situation can take the sting out of it, enabling them to take it and themselves less seriously.

Our reactions to events affect how children view the world so we can all model resilience by demonstrating that problems are an interesting part of every day life and are there to be solved.

Encouraging children to solve their problems themselves will build their confidence to do so repeatedly until it becomes second nature, building a more resilient young adult.

Here is a few links to useful sources:

• Community Play Things
• The Guardian
• Psychology Today
• Parent TV
• BBC